i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
