Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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