we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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