the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
