when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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