Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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