i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
