wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
