me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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