y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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