forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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