OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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