We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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