Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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