so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
