Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize