My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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