I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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