I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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