now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
two words...techno handjob
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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