And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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