just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
