i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
