I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
