the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
