how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
