He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
