drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
