I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
