is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
