we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How does one acquire holy water?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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