You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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