man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
