think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
