i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
