You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
