Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize