We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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