take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
