At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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