bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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