his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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