I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
