Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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