I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
