so that wasnt chicken after all
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
