don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
