just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
