guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
