I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
