I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
