i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
