fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
