It's Friday. Sex?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
