and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
