I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
