Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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