Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
