Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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