What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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