hotel room ftw
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
