This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
