I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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