the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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