Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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