what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize