I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
