it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
