got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
