therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
