OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
