Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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