we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
