I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
