Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
