roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
