tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
