I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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