she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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